Mass Effect Quotes

Well, title calls the action. I thought, since we've started gathering quotes from the simpsons, it couldn't hurt to do the same for the ME series.
Any quotes -be they funny or touching- are welcome. Just try to make clear when and where in the games you heard it.

Mass effect 3 in the purgatory bar (ambient conversation).a female alliance soldier (i think her names is mel) gets told that her fellow male soldiers are kind of creeped out by her presence due to her being a woman:

Marine: it's because you're a woman.
Mel: I’m a woman? Holy crap, I’m a woman! Where did these tits come from?
Marine: Mel, listen…
Mel: Were they cloaked? Are they infiltrator tits? Could there be more of them hiding?
Marine: Nobody is denying that you’re a great soldier.
Mel: What is this, my damn eulogy? Shut up and buy me a drink!

Shepard: How many of your people got off?
Elcor diplomat: .......... not enough.

He tries to think of an emotion but can't.

"Rudimentary creatures of flesh and blood ... You exist because we allow it, you will end because we demand it." - Sovereign
But don't worry, it's all in your best interest!

The gunnery chief on the citalde in me2 has got to be one of my favourites.

Gunnery Chief - "This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kilotomb bomb. That is three times the yield of the city buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth.That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-beach in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton's First Law?"
Recruit - "Sir! A object in motion stays in motion, sir!"
Gunnery Chief -"No credit for partial answers, maggot!"
Recruit - "Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir!"
Gunnery Chief - "Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire a husk of metal, it keeps going until it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years.If you pull the trigger on this, you're ruining someone's day somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not "eyeball it!" This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip.
"Recruit - "Sir, yes sir!"

And because it's awesome:



http://www.redbubble.com/people/dtaktics/works/8685430-mass-effect-isaac-newton-is-deadly?p=t-shirt

Conrad Verner: What if you signed me on as another Spectre?
Commander Shepard: Conrad, I haven't been shot in the head nearly enough times to make that sound like a good idea.

YOU BIG STUPID JELLYFISH.

Shepard: I just saved you from a nasty prison shower scene!

Turian Councilor: Do you take pleasure from committing genocide, Shepard?
Shepard: Depends upon the species, turian.

Ashley: You questioned my competence through the entire mission!
Shepard: Best way to stop that is to show me you're competent!

Shepard (to EDI): I won't be second-guessed on my own ship by my own ship!

Guard: As this is a high-security vessel, you must relinquish possession of your weapons.
Shepard: (casually aiming at guard) I’ll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it?

... I guess I'll save some for more for later.

Rifneno wrote:Shepard: I just saved you from a nasty prison shower scene!

Turian Councilor: Do you take pleasure from committing genocide, Shepard?
Shepard: Depends upon the species, turian.

Ashley: You questioned my competence through the entire mission!
Shepard: Best way to stop that is to show me you're competent!

Shepard (to EDI): I won't be second-guessed on my own ship by my own ship!

Guard: As this is a high-security vessel, you must relinquish possession of your weapons.
Shepard: (casually aiming at guard) I’ll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it?

... I guess I'll save some for more for later.

Never hear the first or the sexond of these quotes? This is why i asked you to try and make clear when in the games your chosen quotes occur.
Seriously though..what do i have to do to get these (prison shower and kind if racist comment to tje councilor)

skillz1986 wrote:

Rifneno wrote:Shepard: I just saved you from a nasty prison shower scene!

Turian Councilor: Do you take pleasure from committing genocide, Shepard?
Shepard: Depends upon the species, turian.

Ashley: You questioned my competence through the entire mission!
Shepard: Best way to stop that is to show me you're competent!

Shepard (to EDI): I won't be second-guessed on my own ship by my own ship!

Guard: As this is a high-security vessel, you must relinquish possession of your weapons.
Shepard: (casually aiming at guard) I’ll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it?

... I guess I'll save some for more for later.

Never hear the first or the sexond of these quotes? This is why i asked you to try and make clear when in the games your chosen quotes occur.
Seriously though..what do i have to do to get these (prison shower and kind if racist comment to tje councilor)

Ahh sorry, skimmed over and missed the part where you asked to include where they happen. The prison shower one is to Lorik Qui'in. Give him the evidence instead of helping the internal affairs agent, then pick the renegade option to demand more money. The turian genocide one is taking the renegade response when chatting with the Council after Noveria if Shepard killed the rachni queen. I honestly don't remember where the Ashley one was, but I think it was after busting her chops all over Eden Prime. The one to EDI is the renegade option when she tells you Cerberus protocols are clear about untested alien technology when you try to open Grunt's tank. The guard and bullet one is renegade (duh) on Jack's recruitment mission.

Rifneno wrote:

skillz1986 wrote:

Rifneno wrote:Shepard: I just saved you from a nasty prison shower scene!

Turian Councilor: Do you take pleasure from committing genocide, Shepard?
Shepard: Depends upon the species, turian.

Ashley: You questioned my competence through the entire mission!
Shepard: Best way to stop that is to show me you're competent!

Shepard (to EDI): I won't be second-guessed on my own ship by my own ship!

Guard: As this is a high-security vessel, you must relinquish possession of your weapons.
Shepard: (casually aiming at guard) I’ll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it?

... I guess I'll save some for more for later.

Never hear the first or the sexond of these quotes? This is why i asked you to try and make clear when in the games your chosen quotes occur.
Seriously though..what do i have to do to get these (prison shower and kind if racist comment to tje councilor)

Ahh sorry, skimmed over and missed the part where you asked to include where they happen. The prison shower one is to Lorik Qui'in. Give him the evidence instead of helping the internal affairs agent, then pick the renegade option to demand more money. The turian genocide one is taking the renegade response when chatting with the Council after Noveria if Shepard killed the rachni queen. I honestly don't remember where the Ashley one was, but I think it was after busting her chops all over Eden Prime. The one to EDI is the renegade option when she tells you Cerberus protocols are clear about untested alien technology when you try to open Grunt's tank. The guard and bullet one is renegade (duh) on Jack's recruitment mission.

Alright that explains a lot. Only have a paragon playthrough for me1 so far..and i helped parasini. Thanks for clarifying.

skillz1986 wrote:
Alright that explains a lot. Only have a paragon playthrough for me1 so far..and i helped parasini. Thanks for clarifying.

I know how you feel. I always play through mostly paragon too. I didn't find out that renegade Shepard was a hilarious, magnificent bastard until I came to BSN and started seeing quotes. Of course, that stopped in ME3. No humor from Shepard anymore.

3 is worried Shep versus confident and occasionally evil Shep

Jack: Hey EDI, nice body. You look like a sex bot now instead of a sex toy.

This happens only when you take EDI to Grissom Academy along with a crew member that Jack doesn't know from ME2. I found this out because I always bring EDI with me to Grissom Academy, but when I brought someone that Jack knew from ME2 (Garrus, in my case), Jack would have banter with this person instead, even though EDI is there.

(And people say Bioware doesn't pay attention to detail)

Shep: Liara remember the days when we could slap Onmi Gel on everything?
Laira: Those security upgrades made a lot of people angry.

~Shadow Broker DLC

Also from the shadow broker dlc

Liara: Their attacks are disorganized, they would be a lot more effective if they all attacked at once.
Shepard: please don't give the mercs ideas.

Before the next wave approaches

Liara: The next wave looks like a big one.
Shepard: You just had to give them tactical advice!
Liara: But now there will be fewer to deal with inside.
Shepard: Keep dreaming T'soni! (it's the typical "you had to say it" trope but it's still funny)

When you cras the cab too often

Liara: Well at least this is bette than the mako.
Edit: There was some weird spacing going on before.

Joker: We're just having an argument over personalization of my workspace.
EDI: Cerberus regulations are clear Mr. Moreau. Personalization doesn't include grease on my bridge camera.
Joker: It's just mad because all it's footage of me looks like a dream sequence. (ending foreshadowing perhaps with Normandy crash scene?)

Remember how many people were upset over the Normandy just flying off from the battle and crashing into that planet which doesn't exist in the solar system or anywhere remotely habitable according to the lore (eg. planet specs and information)?

"I will be right behind you. That armor is in good condition?" - Tali, ME1 on Noveria if you choose to cooperate with the Guards wanting to take your weapons.

Aboard the derelict Reaper, everyone is looking at the dragon's teeth.
Shepard: How about we all take a step back from the weird alien impaling devices?

Shepard douching a discount out of a store in ME2.
Shepard: You know, for a bunch of cheap touristy crap, your prices are pretty high.
Asari shopkeeper: I am sorry you feel that way. There are many stores on the Citadel. Perhaps another would be more in your price range.
Shepard: So you're saying I'm poor? Just because I'm not as well off as you doesn't mean you can hold yourself above me.
Asari shopkeeper: What? No, I--
Shepard walks out slightly out of the storefront and begins shouting into the rest of the wards.
Shepard: Hey! Everyone! This store discriminates against the poor!
Asari shopkeeper: Please, calm down. As an apology, I'll let you have my station employee discount. Is that acceptable?
Shepard: Well, all right. But you still hurt my feelings.

Haha, great stuff.