Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

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Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by OneWithTheAssassins on Wed Oct 08, 2014 4:57 am

This has been on my mind every now and then and I wanted peoples thoughts and ideas on this topic. We all know what a GOOD Mass Effect movie would look like, but what would the elements of a BAD Mass Effect movie be like. And I'm not just talking "meh" bad, I'm talking "The Last Airbender" bad. An adaptation so horrible, it insults the original material.
Give me your ideas of what a bad Mass Effect movie would be like. Weather it be poor casting, wrong director, Mass Effect Deception quality script writing, anything!
Two things that immediately come to mind would be M. Night Suckadick as the director, and not having Seth Green play as Joker.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Hanako Ikezawa on Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:24 am

It should be a CGI movie. That way they can keep all the characters looking and sounding the same.

Therefore to make it bad, make it real life and hire people who barely look like the characters.


Last edited by Hanako Ikezawa on Wed Oct 08, 2014 6:10 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by dorktainian on Wed Oct 08, 2014 6:02 am

get the guy who made the doom movie to make it..... instafail.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Rifneno on Wed Oct 08, 2014 11:52 am

One word. FemShep.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Raistlin Majere on Wed Oct 08, 2014 12:07 pm

I dare not contemplate the multiple ways they could fuck up Indoctrination.

Like playing it off as simple mind control...
Neglecting the subtle element to it...
Try and use some weird effect to show it...
Thinking indoctrination is what "gives" Saren his implants...or worse yet that it creates the Husks...
Or that they simply forget all about Indoctrination.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by RavenEyry on Wed Oct 08, 2014 12:28 pm

OneWithTheAssassins wrote:We all know what a GOOD Mass Effect movie would look like

Imaginary?
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Guest on Wed Oct 08, 2014 3:19 pm

"I dare not contemplate the multiple ways they could fuck up Indoctrination. "

Maybe that's what the old screenwriter thought, before he left. haha

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Restrider on Thu Oct 09, 2014 7:13 pm

Uwe Boll as director, Paragon Shepard that it starts to hurt, zero dimensional characters, a simplified plot that ignores all the nuances of the ME story (social and political commentary etc.) and all in all being a huge cliche fest.
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by spotlessvoid on Thu Oct 09, 2014 7:19 pm

Canadian accents
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by symbowles on Fri Oct 10, 2014 4:39 pm

spotlessvoid wrote:Canadian accents

"tew"

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Hanako Ikezawa on Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:27 pm

Rifneno wrote:One word.  FemShep.
Surprised you didn't say 'Synthesis' for your one word.
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by DoomsdayDevice on Fri Oct 10, 2014 8:51 pm

Obviously if they go literal. And everything RR said.

There's actually so much that they could fuck up that it seems improbable they won't.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by smash016 on Fri Oct 10, 2014 9:01 pm

spotlessvoid wrote:Canadian accents

Mark Meer.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Maximus on Sun Oct 12, 2014 2:23 pm

Michael Bay as director;
Nicholas Cage as Sheppurd;
Ben Affleck as Garrus;
Bill Nighy as Saren;
SheppurdxAshley;
Love Story;
Tali;
Effin' elevators;
ParaGAY Sheppurd;
Music by Hans Zimmer;
Have I mentioned Tali?;
Samuel L. Fuckin' Jackson as Anderson;
Steve Buscemi as Joker;
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Wrex;
Wrex survives Virmire;
Geth with SW Battle Droids syndrome "Roger, Roger";
Geth with SW Stormtroopers "accuracy" syndrome;
Normandy with damaged/turned off Hyperdrive;
Geth AT-AT walkers on Noveria;
"I am yo father";
Also, Tali;
Poor Biotics;
"Slow-mo" action;
No sex-scene involving Councilor Tevos;
Kaidan Survives Virmire;
No gore;
PEGI 12;
Lack of Sheppurd's epic one-liners;
'Murrican symbols and propaganda;
"I'm outta bullets and so are you"-style final battle with Saren;
Hmh...Tali...;

That's it for now...I should go! Shepard


Last edited by Maximus on Sun Oct 12, 2014 4:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by ZerebusPrime on Sun Oct 12, 2014 4:26 pm

Big floppy rubber Krogan suits. Like the monsters from the first live action Guyver movie.
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Restrider on Mon Oct 13, 2014 7:21 pm

Maximus wrote:
Samuel L. Fuckin' Jackson as Anderson;
Steve Buscemi as Joker;
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Wrex;

Those three would be hilarious.
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Raistlin Majere on Mon Oct 13, 2014 7:35 pm

"Wrex survives Virmire" - are you saying Wrex should not survive Virmire in a Mass Effect movie?

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Eryri on Mon Oct 13, 2014 10:20 pm

Use the same script writers that crapped out that lousy Paragon Lost anime. Further to that, hire Michael Bay in any capacity whatsoever. Even if his job was just to make the tea, his mere presence on set would ensure unprecedented levels of suckage. Finally, cast Shia LeBouf as Shepard... (shudder.)
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Rifneno on Mon Oct 13, 2014 11:22 pm

BTW, the ME movie was confirmed to be only the story of ME1 right after it was announced. So if it ever gets out of development hell, there's no need to worry about anything from any other game.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by dorktainian on Tue Oct 14, 2014 6:11 am

mac walters - screenwriter.

having megan fox anywhere near this movie.

having orlando bloom anywhere near this movie.

giving the story to peter Jackson.... hey presto a trilogy.

special fx using real models.

trying to make it too 'artsy'.

having Gwyneth paltrow anywhere near this movie.

not using a score based on the original game score.

product placement.

make it a comedy starring peewee herman.

having will smith anywhere near this movie.

token gay characters.

token straight characters.

having arnie anywhere near this movie.

having stallone anywhere near this movie.

having ben Affleck or matt damon anywhere near this movie.

not having a milf play chakwas.

having shepard have a token kid tagging along.

completely redesign the alien species.. krogan as teletubbies.... po....

micheal bay.

Spielberg.

shamalamadingdong.

redesigning the citadel or any of the basic ship designs.

having the whole movie cgi.

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by vlad78 on Tue Oct 14, 2014 8:52 am

Jackson would make a nine hours long trilogy from the Eden prime events alone.
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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Maximus on Tue Oct 14, 2014 11:51 am

Raistlin Majere wrote:"Wrex survives Virmire" - are you saying Wrex should not survive Virmire in a Mass Effect movie?
Yiiis, coz he's annoyin and I very much don't like him...
Besides, he betrayed me right there so I fed him with Shotgun shells to the face...
Three times...
Hell, Grunt is much faster, stronger and better than that ol' fossil!
Plus he's loyal and Immah his Battlemaster! ;>
No regrets...

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Maximus on Tue Oct 14, 2014 11:57 am

Eryri wrote:Finally, cast Shia LeBouf as Shepard... (shudder.)

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Raistlin Majere on Tue Oct 14, 2014 12:27 pm

Maximus wrote:
Raistlin Majere wrote:"Wrex survives Virmire" - are you saying Wrex should not survive Virmire in a Mass Effect movie?
Yiiis, coz he's annoyin and I very much don't like him...
Besides, he betrayed me right there so I fed him with Shotgun shells to the face...
Three times...
Hell, Grunt is much faster, stronger and better than that ol' fossil!
Plus he's loyal and Immah his Battlemaster! ;>
No regrets...

Duel...
Omega...
Right now...

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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

Post by Maximus on Tue Oct 14, 2014 1:18 pm

Raistlin Majere wrote:
Duel...
Omega...
Right now...

Hmh...*draws Mattock*
I will relinquish whole mag on yo face, pal one bullet, where do you want it? Shepard




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Re: Ways Hollywood could royally fuck up a Mass Effect movie

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